MY LANGUAGE PLEASE

Monday, July 29, 2013

IT MUST BE TRUE.... I READ IT IN THE NEWSPAPER


Bungled Newspaper Statements






Fireworks show to be aired on radio. 
Dogs and Cats on Menu at Shelter Adoption Luau.  

The dead man was described as white, aged between 30 or 40, with an Irish accent.  
He was advised to force fluids through his interpreter  
He killed the man with his bear hands.  
Susan Wadsworth requested that she be cremated before her death.  
Defendant was charged with carless driving.  
She drives a turk for a construction company.  
Senators are chosen as committee chairmen on the basis of senility.  
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.  
The patient walks six blocks now. The doctor told him it may take a year to come back.  
I wish to thank all who so kindly assisted in my husband's death.  
On Thanksgiving morning we could smell the foul cooking.  
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.  
Family Catches Fire Just in Time, Chief Says 

Mangled Newspaper Headlines


Astronauts Practice Landing on Laptops  
Preventive Health Service For Women Being Cut In Half  
Two Cars Collide One Sent To Hospital  
Collegians Are Turning To Vegetables  
Man Killed Over Phone  
FBI Agent Shoots Man With Knife  
Town To Drop School Bus When Overpass Is Ready  
Woman Fatally Mauled Assigned Indoor Job  
Study Says Snoring Drivers Have More Accident 



Friday, July 19, 2013

THE BEST STORIES ARE FROM DOWN HOME



Wendy Bagwell



Ray Stevens and the Rattlesnake Revival



In case you think Ray Stevens was making this up......


One more from Jerry Clower.....
Bigger in Texas