MY LANGUAGE PLEASE

Thursday, March 16, 2017

GED TEST RESULTS ARE IMPROVING

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 18 year olds):   

Q. Name the four seasons
A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How is dew formed
A.. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A.. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A.. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs  (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q... What happens to your body as you age
A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A.. Premature death

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A.. Keep it in the cow  (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A, The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U  (what!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A.. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A.. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A.. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.  (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A.. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A.. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A.. Benign is what you will be after you be eight  (brilliant)

 
AND THE BEST IS LAST:
Q. What is a turbine?
A.. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.     (now we’re getting somewhere)




Sunday, February 26, 2017

MARQUIS OF MARMALADE DECLARES WAR IN ITALY

I am told this war is waged every year at this time. 

Perhaps this sort of war might not a-peel to some of you readers.




What did the little chicken say when he saw an orange egg in the nest?

Answer: Look at the orange Marma-laid.

Right, very old joke. Sorry about that.





Friday, February 24, 2017

WALKING THAT COUNTRY MILE

It may be Slim Dusty in the Outback, or it may be Bufford down on Tellico Plain in Tennessee, but those who walk that country mile learn a lot more about life than those who insist on riding in the Ford.













Saturday, February 11, 2017

FIGURE EIGHT RACE WITH CAMP TRAILERS AND BOATS

This could only happen in Michigan.





But, the real action is in California
Wait for the yellow flag to turn green. Click down the title boxed in the middle of the screen






Another reason to Home School your kids








Thursday, January 19, 2017

AMERICAN MARKETING STRIKES AGAIN

This is priceless. We all wish the truth came out in the light of day like this..........





Saturday, December 31, 2016

Never pass up a dose of British humor when it is available. And, I have a healthy dose just for you as a New Years present:



Do have a splendid and prosperous New Year, my dear reader.


Best wishes,

Steve Van Nattan
Texas